I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Randomize
