drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
