Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My cat gives me a boner
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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