Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
