Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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