I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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