i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
