That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
