You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
