so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
