your parents love me but you hate me
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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