party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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