do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
