Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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