Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
