peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
