the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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