Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
