fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
