Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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