I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
