no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The uberlube is also flammable
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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