What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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