dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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