is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
