Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
