I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We talked him into tasing himself.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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