I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
40s are totally the cure
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
