you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
