Define "chronic" masturbator.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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