um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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