Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
