You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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