My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
