She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
