Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
