You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
