I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
