She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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