good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
