I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
