There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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