I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Screwed.edu
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
