I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
