So drunk its hurt
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
