Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
