ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
