if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
