Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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