proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
