Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
