I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
