pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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