I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
