you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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