if i can run in heels then i can drive
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
